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When I found out that I was pregnant with my third child we were neck-deep in a marital crisis. Stuck in a place of uncertainty and struggling to manage my anxiety. I was in the lowest place of my life, suffering regular anxiety attacks and living day by day in a fog so thick I couldn’t see past the end of my nose and desperately seeking some mental clarity I wasn’t sure how I was going to cope with anxiety and depression during pregnancy, as I felt like I was barely getting by NOT PREGNANT.
I literally was in survival mode.
I was desperately trying to get my feet back underneath of me, and each day felt like a slippery slope down a steep incline. I was plagued with mom guilt, feeling like every day I was failing my two older kids. Ashamed that they saw me in the mental state I was in and frustrated that I couldn’t seem to snap my fingers and magically get my shit together.
Three positive home pregnancy tests later and a blood test that was returned with an HCG level of 42,700 it was confirmed that I was indeed pregnant, whether I wanted to believe it or not.
The plethora of emotions that I was feeling was overwhelming on their own. Throw a basket of pregnancy hormones on top of that and I was a mess in the most literal sense.
I spent the next several weeks the sickest I had ever been.
This pregnancy was far worse than my first two. In addition to typical morning sickness and lack of appetite, I was experiencing huge hormonal fluctuations. Hot flashes, fevers, body shakes, overall weakness and fatigue were so intense I felt like I had lead weights chained to my body.
My anxiety was through the roof.
I was terrified I was going to lose the baby, despite the fact that I had never experienced a pregnancy loss before. It just seemed par for the course, I had experienced so much emotional shock in the last few years, that I was mentally bracing myself for the next big blow.
I so badly wanted to feel excitement for the new baby, confidence in myself as a mom to an infant again and the sense of security I had felt just months prior to the break down of our marriage. But no matter how deep I dug, I just couldn’t seem to pull those feelings to the surface.
With the help and guidance of an amazing therapist and working alongside my OB, the fog began to lift and I was able to begin to implement a strategy for myself to embrace baby and honored the miracle of new life that I was growing. I celebrated the little victories on those good days and allowed myself grace on the days I was struggling.
7 Steps to Embracing Baby
- Make a list of baby items you need. I created a private list on amazon for this. Since this was my third baby, I had a pretty good idea of what items I considered essential baby items this time around, as well as the things that I didn’t feel, were necessary. This was a fun task for me that helped keep my mind busy (which is great for managing anxiety.) And instilled some newfound excitement for the adventure that was on its way!
- Purchase something new for the upcoming addition. This can be anything from a fuzzy soft blanket (I chose this one!) that is going to be your baby’s special blanket (we call them besties!) To a plush stuffy or even a pair of booties or cute little onesie! The options are endless and it will give you something special to start your arsenal of baby must-have’s.
- Write to your baby. Whether it is daily in journal form or weekly, monthly, or each trimester. You can purchase some beautiful journals such as this one, that you can handwrite (this is my favorite way because it feels more personal.) Or you could open an email account specifically for letters for your child or even do a Vlog! Tell your baby about life outside his/her cozy little home. What is happening in the world? At home? How are you feeling?
- Start a baby book. A baby book is a fun and creative way to document your journey through your pregnancy into your child’s school-age years. Add photos of your bump, siblings if you have other children, painting the nursery, the family pets, the options are endless. This is a keepsake that your child will treasure for a lifetime.
- Count those kicks! The moment that you finally feel that first quickening is the best moment ever. In my last pregnancy, I had an anterior placenta, which prolonged the time before I was able to feel baby movement past my 20-week mark despite the fact I was a third-time mom. The moment those kicks became obvious I was beyond thrilled. Not only did this give me reassurance, but it was also a fun thing I was able to include the rest of our family in.
- Frame your ultrasound photos. This was actually something I never thought of until I saw this beautiful frame with my niece’s first photo shoot. What an amazing tribute to the beautiful life inside of you and an amazing way to see your little one in his/her very first moments of life.
- Lean on your support system. In those beginning months when I was struggling the most, I would have been at a loss without my small and mighty support group. I was so fortunate for a family and some amazing friends that were joyful and excited while I was not. Their joy helped shed light on those moments when I was feeling pretty dark. Allow them to be happy and uplifting for you.
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The good days are finally outnumbering the bad and the fog has mostly cleared.
If you are struggling with how to cope with anxiety and depression during pregnancy, it is of utmost importance that you are open and honest with your doctor about what you are going through. Their job is to ensure that you and baby stay healthy and strong, and they cannot do that unless you are open and honest with them.
Don’t give up on yourself, or your baby. I know better than anyone that those hard days sometimes feel impossible, but with time and work it WILL get better. Those sweet-smelling baby cuddles and coos will wash away those worries and you will see that all the hard work you did was totally worth it.
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